Ogden Nash
Adventures Of Isabel by Ogden Nash

Adventures Of Isabel by Ogden Nash

Isabel met an enormous bear, Isabel, Isabel, didn't care; The bear was hungry, the bear was ravenous, The bear's big mouth was cruel and cavernous. The bear said, Isabel, glad ...

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Always Marry An April Girl by Ogden Nash

Always Marry An April Girl by Ogden Nash

Praise the spells and bless the charms, I found April in my arms. April golden, April cloudy, Gracious, cruel, tender, rowdy; April soft in flowered languor, April cold with ...

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To My Valentine by Ogden Nash

To My Valentine by Ogden Nash

More than a catbird hates a cat,Or a criminal hates a clue,Or the Axis hates the United States,That's how much I love you.I love you more than a duck can swim,And more than a ...

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Common Cold by Ogden Nash

Common Cold by Ogden Nash

Go hang yourself, you old M.D.! You shall not sneer at me. Pick up your hat and stethoscope, Go wash your mouth with laundry soap; I contemplate a joy exquisite I'm not paying you ...

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A Lady Who Thinks She Is Thirty by Ogden Nash

A Lady Who Thinks She Is Thirty by Ogden Nash

Unwillingly Miranda wakes, Feels the sun with terror, One unwilling step she takes, Shuddering to the mirror. Miranda in Miranda's sight Is old and gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she ...

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Come On In, The Senility Is Fine by Ogden Nash

Come On In, The Senility Is Fine by Ogden Nash

People live forever in Jacksonville and St. Petersburg and Tampa,But you don't have to live forever to become a grampa.The entrance requirements for grampahood are comparatively ...

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Fleas by Ogden Nash

Fleas by Ogden Nash

AdamHad'em

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Celery by Ogden Nash

Celery by Ogden Nash

Celery, rawDevelops the jaw,But celery, stewed,Is more quietly chewed.

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A Drink With Something In It by Ogden Nash

A Drink With Something In It by Ogden Nash

There is something about a Martini,A tingle remarkably pleasant;A yellow, a mellow Martini;I wish I had one at present.There is something about a Martini,Ere the dining and ...

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Columbus by Ogden Nash

Columbus by Ogden Nash

Once upon a time there was an Italian,And some people thought he was a rapscallion,But he wasn't offended,Because other people thought he was splendid,And he said the world was ...

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Family Court by Ogden Nash

Family Court by Ogden Nash

One would be in less dangerFrom the wiles of a strangerIf one's own kin and kithWere more fun to be with.

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First Child … Second Child by Ogden Nash

First Child … Second Child by Ogden Nash

FIRSTBe it a girl, or one of the boys,It is scarlet all over its avoirdupois,It is red, it is boiled; could the obstetricianHave possibly been a lobstertrician?His degrees and ...

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The Boy Who Laughed At Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

The Boy Who Laughed At Santa Claus by Ogden Nash

In Baltimore there lived a boy.He wasn't anybody's joy.Although his name was Jabez Dawes,His character was full of flaws.In school he never led his classes,He hid old ladies' ...

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Crossing The Border by Ogden Nash

Crossing The Border by Ogden Nash

Senescence beginsAnd middle age endsThe day your descendentsOutnumber your friends.

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A Tale Of The Thirteenth Floor by Ogden Nash

A Tale Of The Thirteenth Floor by Ogden Nash

The hands of the clock were reaching highIn an old midtown hotel;I name no name, but its sordid fameIs table talk in hell.I name no name, but hell's own flameIllumes the lobby ...

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Children’s Party by Ogden Nash

Children’s Party by Ogden Nash

May I join you in the doghouse, Rover?I wish to retire till the party's over.Since three o'clock I've done my bestTo entertain each tiny guest. My conscience now I've left behind ...

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More About People by Ogden Nash

More About People by Ogden Nash

When people aren't asking questions They're making suggestions And when they're not doing one of those They're either looking over your shoulder or stepping on your toes And then ...

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A Caution To Everybody by Ogden Nash

A Caution To Everybody by Ogden Nash

Consider the auk;Becoming extinct because he forgot how to fly, and could only walk.Consider man, who may well become extinctBecause he forgot how to walk and learned how to fly ...

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The Dog by Ogden Nash

The Dog by Ogden Nash

The truth I do not stretch or shoveWhen I state that the dog is full of love.I've also found, by actual test,A wet dog is the lovingest.

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Very Like A Whale by Ogden Nash

Very Like A Whale by Ogden Nash

One thing that literature would be greatly the better forWould be a more restricted employment by the authors of simile andmetaphor.Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, ...

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Listen… by Ogden Nash

Listen… by Ogden Nash

There is a knocking in the skull,An endless silent shoutOf something beating on a wall,And crying, “Let me out!”That solitary prisonerWill never hear reply.No comrade in ...

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Look What You Did, Christopher! by Ogden Nash

Look What You Did, Christopher! by Ogden Nash

In fourteen hundred and ninety-two,Someone sailed the ocean blue.Somebody borrowed the fare in SpainFor a business trip on the bounding main,And to prove to the people, by actual ...

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The Hippopotamus by Ogden Nash

The Hippopotamus by Ogden Nash

Behold the hippopotamus!We laugh at how he looks to us,And yet in moments dank and grim,I wonder how we look to him.Peace, peace, thou hippopotamus!We really look all right to ...

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Bankers Are Just Like Anybody Else, Except Richer by Ogden Nash

Bankers Are Just Like Anybody Else, Except Richer by Ogden Nash

This is a song to celebrate banks,Because they are full of money and you go into them and all you hear is clinks and clanks,Or maybe a sound like the wind in the trees on the ...

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Biological Reflection by Ogden Nash

Biological Reflection by Ogden Nash

A girl whose cheeks are covered with paintHas an advantage with me over one whose ain't.

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a Bas Ben Adhem by Ogden Nash

a Bas Ben Adhem by Ogden Nash

My fellow man I do not care for.I often ask me, What's he there for?The only answer I can findIs, Reproduction of his kind.If I'm supposed to swallow that,Winnetka is my ...

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I Do, I Will, I Have by Ogden Nash

I Do, I Will, I Have by Ogden Nash

How wise I am to have instructed the butlerto instruct the first footman to instruct the secondfootman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;I am about to volunteer a ...

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I Didn’T Go To Church Today by Ogden Nash

I Didn’T Go To Church Today by Ogden Nash

I didn't go to church today,I trust the Lord to understand.The surf was swirling blue and white,The children swirling on the sand.He knows, He knows how brief my stay,How brief ...

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Everybody Tells Me Everything by Ogden Nash

Everybody Tells Me Everything by Ogden Nash

I find it very difficult to enthuse Over the current news. Just when you think that at least the outlook is so black that it can grow no blacker, it worsens, And that is why I do ...

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The Rhinoceros by Ogden Nash

The Rhinoceros by Ogden Nash

The rhino is a homely beast, For human eyes he's not a feast. Farwell, farewell, you old rhinoceros,I'll stare at something less prepoceros.

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The Tale Of Custard The Dragon by Ogden Nash

The Tale Of Custard The Dragon by Ogden Nash

Belinda lived in a little white house, With a little black kitten and a little gray mouse, And a little yellow dog and a little red wagon, And a realio, trulio, little pet dragon. ...

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Just Keep Quiet And Nobody Will Notice by Ogden Nash

Just Keep Quiet And Nobody Will Notice by Ogden Nash

There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies.I don't mean the kind of apologies ...

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The Turtle by Ogden Nash

The Turtle by Ogden Nash

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decksWhich practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.

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Winter Complaint by Ogden Nash

Winter Complaint by Ogden Nash

Now when I have a coldI am careful with my cold, I consult a physician And I do as I am told. I muffle up my torso In woolly woolly garb, And I quaff great flagons Of sodium ...

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Grandpa Is Ashamed by Ogden Nash

Grandpa Is Ashamed by Ogden Nash

A child need not be very cleverTo learn that "Later, dear" means "Never."

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The Purist by Ogden Nash

The Purist by Ogden Nash

I give you now Professor Twist,A conscientious scientist,Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"And sent him off to distant jungles.Camped on a tropic riverside,One day he missed ...

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The Termite by Ogden Nash

The Termite by Ogden Nash

Some primal termite knocked on wood And tasted it, and found it good! And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today.

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The Duck by Ogden Nash

The Duck by Ogden Nash

Behold the duck. It does not cluck. A cluck it lacks. It quacks. It is specially fondOf a puddle or pond. When it dines or sups, It bottoms ups.

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My Dream by Ogden Nash

My Dream by Ogden Nash

This is my dream, It is my own dream, I dreamt it. I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.

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What Almost Every Woman Knows Sooner Or Later by Ogden Nash

What Almost Every Woman Knows Sooner Or Later by Ogden Nash

Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with.And with whom they breakfast with and sup with.They interfere with the discipline of nurseries,And forget ...

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The Fly by Ogden Nash

The Fly by Ogden Nash

God in his wisdom made the flyAnd then forgot to tell us why.

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Good-By Now Or Pardon My Gauntlet by Ogden Nash

Good-By Now Or Pardon My Gauntlet by Ogden Nash

Bring down the moon for genteel Janet;She's too refined for this gross planet.She wears garments and you wear clothes,You buy stockings, she purchases hose.She say That is ...

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The People Upstairs by Ogden Nash

The People Upstairs by Ogden Nash

The people upstairs all practise balletTheir living room is a bowling alleyTheir bedroom is full of conducted tours.Their radio is louder than yours,They celebrate week-ends all ...

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So Does Everybody Else, Only Not So Much by Ogden Nash

So Does Everybody Else, Only Not So Much by Ogden Nash

O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge, For I wish to be purged of an urge. It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue, And ...

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Goody For Our Side And Your Side Too by Ogden Nash

Goody For Our Side And Your Side Too by Ogden Nash

Foreigners are people somewhere else,Natives are people at home;If the place you’re atIs your habitat,You’re a foreigner, say in Rome.But the scales of Justice balance true,And ...

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Portrait Of The Artist As A Prematurely Old Man by Ogden Nash

Portrait Of The Artist As A Prematurely Old Man by Ogden Nash

It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts,That all sin is divided into two parts.One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very ...

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Further Reflections On Parsley by Ogden Nash
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Oh To Be Odd! by Ogden Nash

Oh To Be Odd! by Ogden Nash

HypochondriacsSpend the winter at the bottom of Florida and the summer on top of the Adirondriacs.You go to Paris and live on champagne wine and cognacIf you're dipsomognac.If ...

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Old Men by Ogden Nash

Old Men by Ogden Nash

People expect old men to die, They do not really mourn old men. Old men are different. People look At them with eyes that wonder when… People watch with unshocked eyes; But the ...

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The Clean Plater by Ogden Nash

The Clean Plater by Ogden Nash

Some singers sing of ladies' eyes,And some of ladies lips,Refined ones praise their ladylike ways,And course ones hymn their hips.The Oxford Book of English VerseIs lush with ...

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