John Hegley
A Comparison Between Logs And Dogs by John Hegley

A Comparison Between Logs And Dogs by John Hegley

Both are very popular at Christmas, But it is not generally considered cruel to abandon a log, And dogs are rarely used as fuel.

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Love Cuts by John Hegley

Love Cuts by John Hegley

Love cuts love juts out and you walk right into it. Love cuts love comes and goes love's a rose first you smell the flower then the thorn goes up your nostril love gives ...

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Love Poem By My Dog by John Hegley

Love Poem By My Dog by John Hegley

I saw you in the park I wanted to be your friend I tunnelled my snout up your non-barking end.

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Easter Eggley by John Hegley

Easter Eggley by John Hegley

The donkey ride the road of palms the garden path the open arms, the kiss the cross the thorny crown, the shaking dice the taking down. The tomb the stone the gathering ...

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Smelly by John Hegley

Smelly by John Hegley

One playtime, staying out of the rain, His heart sank, Someone sniffed his seat, And said it stank, A ritual followed, in which you had to dare, To whiff the niffy chair, ...

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Very Bad Dog by John Hegley

Very Bad Dog by John Hegley

I took Rover over to the park the other day I met another bloke with another dog on the way his dog was an alsation my dog was not he said is that dog an alsation I said no ...

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Uncle And Auntie by John Hegley

Uncle And Auntie by John Hegley

My auntie gives me a colouring book and crayons I begin to colour after a while auntie leans over and says you've gone over the lines what do you think they're there for eh? ...

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My Doggie Don’T Wear Glasses by John Hegley

My Doggie Don’T Wear Glasses by John Hegley

My doggie don't wear glasses so they're lying when they say a dog looks like its owner aren't they.

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Tuna Day (For The Usa) by John Hegley

Tuna Day (For The Usa) by John Hegley

I say tewna, you say toona I say happy new year, You say happy new year I say Cuba is a democracy worthy of recognition and respect...

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Bonfire Night by John Hegley

Bonfire Night by John Hegley

the doors open everyone comes out everyone is ready for fireworks all except the dog Eddie he is shut up in the sheddie even out of doors we have indoor fireworks Dad says ...

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Lent by John Hegley

Lent by John Hegley

Lent, is meant to be spent fasting, In rememberance of the Lord, Lasting six weeks without a decent meal, Six weeks in the desert, Without any dinner, without any desert, And ...

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The Death Of A Scoutmaster by John Hegley

The Death Of A Scoutmaster by John Hegley

How I remember the old scoutmaster nobody could start a camp-fire faster I can see the old scoutmaster in the old scout hut saying always carry a plaster in case you cut ...

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Deep In Shallow Waters by John Hegley

Deep In Shallow Waters by John Hegley

Relieving myself in the Mediterranean it occurs to me that some of my wee has become part of the wider sea which triggers thoughts of individuals who think they're really big ...

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Omo by John Hegley

Omo by John Hegley

We were fourteen and the two of us went camping and you smuggled into my tent and we smuggled and in the morning your smile was a joy but when we were back at school because ...

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Amoeba by John Hegley

Amoeba by John Hegley

Hello amoeba I wish you were my pet but you're not really big enough to be seen by the vet are you? you're a little blob of jelly you've got no skin and bone you're not a boy ...

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A Somewhat Absent Minded Attempt To Be Politically Correct by John Hegley

A Somewhat Absent Minded Attempt To Be Politically Correct by John Hegley

Someone I don't know that well tells me they have a little boy. "Oh yes," I enquire, "and how old is he or she?"

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Poetry In India by John Hegley

Poetry In India by John Hegley

I'm in India feeling more secure and less likely to get chinned 'ere I made friends with a steam-train firemen who asked how long I would stay in his country 'Two weeks,' I ...

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My Father’s Footwear by John Hegley

My Father’s Footwear by John Hegley

Once, a skinhead in my class came round my house in his Doctor Martens and passing the rubber galoshes which my dad wore to dig the garden He got me to try them on and he ...

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The Flannel by John Hegley

The Flannel by John Hegley

I believe this society to be deeply keen to enforce distinctions of gender fearful of course of cheerful androgyny. It starts with the naming of progeny. Apart from a few ...

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Centurion Soldier by John Hegley

Centurion Soldier by John Hegley

Once a Centurion soldier, Said, Venus how I want to hold you, She replied, I'm a god, And it's great on my tod, And his mate said Marsellius I told you so

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Pickering To Grosmont by John Hegley

Pickering To Grosmont by John Hegley

From Pickering to Grosmont you can go by steam and that's what me and Nigel did and it was extremely eye-opening. Putting my head from a window gave me a surprise even with ...

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Unfortunates by John Hegley

Unfortunates by John Hegley

Jack in the boxes without springs, Jackdaws without wings, Lumberjacks with broken backs, And both their arms in slings, These are a few of my favourite things.

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The Price Of Art In Luton by John Hegley

The Price Of Art In Luton by John Hegley

On the bridge approaching the railway, the man was begging. I said draw me a dog and I'll give you a quid. So I gave him some paper and he did. And I said, there you go, ...

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An Owner’s Complaint by John Hegley

An Owner’s Complaint by John Hegley

I've got a dog that's more like a carrot than a dog. It's hairy, but only very slightly, it has no personality to speak of, no bark to bark of, no head, no legs, no tail, ...

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Classic by John Hegley

Classic by John Hegley

In the radio interview the former Classics student asked me about the similarity between my writings and those of Aristotle. I said I didn't know there was such a similarity. ...

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